The letter I wrote to Demi Lovato to thank her for saving my life.

Dear Demi,

When I had decided that I was going to write a letter to you I did not even think about what I was going to say. I find it hard to put into words how much you mean to me. Cause if it wasn’t for you, I would not still be alive today.

You see, starting in the summer of 2009 I had slowly started slipping into depression and I started to have suicidal thoughts. They slowly got worst and worst and I started to isolate myself from people who loved me such as my mother. I also became paranoid and I started hearing voices. The voices were telling me I should kill myself and how much I did not matter and how ugly I was. I already had extremely low self-esteem and self-worth and these voices just made it worst. You went into treatment in October. I did not know you could get treatment for emotional issues.


Then in January, I had a mental breakdown and I tried to kill myself, I was hysterical, I could not stop crying, the world became too much for me to handle. But for some reason, I could not go through with the suicide, I don’t know what held me back but I am glad that whatever it was did. My mom threatened to take me to somewhere to get treatment that night. I was scared because like many others, I thought mental treatment meant that they kept them in an empty room, drugged them constantly, and isolate them from the world. So I told her no.

the next day we went to my therapist who I had been seeing since my parents got a divorce, and told her about my mental breakdown and she told me about a place called The Brook, a treatment facility, She explained it to me and made me to not be so scared of the possibility of me being sent there. She said that if she could not help me, she would recommend I would go there.

 Throughout the course of January until March, I turned to self-harm. Nothing big, just digging my nails into my skin on my arm. But as time went on, I started to do it more and more and it got worst.

On Sunday March 20, 2011, I confronted my mom about my problems. She told me that we would talk to my therapist the next day about me entering rehab. The next night we talked to my therapist and she agreed that I needed more help. So the next day she called The Brooke to see if they would be able to evaluate me. On Wednesday, I was evaluated and they thought that it would be best if I did the Part-Time Hopilization Program at The Brook.

 March 24, 2011, I arrived at the brook to start my treatment and I continued my treatment until April 26, 2011. I spent my weekdays there and went home at night. It was a great experience for me. We discovered that the reason I became paranoid and started hearing voices because I was on too high of a dose of my ADDHD meds, they put me on a new ADDHD medication and gave m e anti-depression Medication. They helped me to express my emotions more easily and helped me to find coping methods. I got a new therapist after the brook and he helped me find more healthy way to cope than cutting.

But it was not enough and I ended up slipping back into my self-harm over the summer. It was bad. I started cutting with scissors and blades and then I found my self-harm tool of choice, a safety pin. I had great anxiety over the summer about starting school again.

I tore up my arms so badly and some of my cuts got infected to make matters. I started to stay inside all of the time because I did not want to go out because of my arms. I wore sweatshirts all of the time. So I switched to cutting my thighs. I cut almost every other day towards the end of the summer so I then got put on anxiety medication.

On the first day back to school, I cut myself at lunch on my thighs, which already were in pain because all the cutting from the summer. I ended up spending the rest of the day in the consoler’s office.

The beginning of the school year was rough. I struggled to make it through the day without breaking down; I was in the consoler’s office all the time.

But as time went on, I turned to you for help and support because you knew exactly what I had been through. You gave me hope. You helped me to stay strong in hard times. Every now and then, I still get the urge to cut but instead of cutting I started doing my art journal more.

Your song Skyscraper gave me so much hope. It became my summer anthem.

I have not cut since August 26, 2011. I have been cleaned since then. I’ll admit, I have scratched myself once since then but I have not cut. This I am very proud of.

I then heard that you were doing a concert in Indianapolis and I knew that I had to go. I had already seen you once in concert but not after my treatment. I needed to see the person who saved my life. I convinced my mom and got tickets to see you.

Me and my friend Morgan drove all the way from Louisville KY and stood in line out in the freezing cold rain, and wind for four hours to see you. It was worth it because I had to thank you, even if I could not do it in person, I had to do it. I made two posters one said “thank you demi!” and the other said “for saving my life!” and held them up the entire time you were on stage. I could not stop crying because how thankful I was for you.

And at least one point during the concert (you might have done it more than once, I am not sure), I swear that you read my posters then looked down and smiled at me. and then I could’ve sworn you sang the line “You can’t always see me, but you know that I’m always there” from your song My Love’s Like A Star while looking at me, as if you were singing it to me. And I cried even harder.

Then when skyscraper came on, I started bawling while trying to sing along to it. And after the concert ended, I cried at least 4 more times.

I still hope that one day I will get the chance to thank you in person. You gave me hope when I needed it the most and courage to go into treatment and for that, I will always be grateful.

Thank you demi. Thank you so much.

 

Stay Strong,

Nikki Douglas

Source:a-loser-likeme
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